I go out a lot…and since I am a borderline germaphobe I am constantly washing my hands across New York City. I’ve come to know many hand dryers recently, these are my favorite three.

THE TOP THREE HAND DRYERS IN THE GAME IN 2013S

Dyson Airblade

3.) Dyson is a well know brand that has been around for quite some time. I had a Dyson vacuum cleaner in college that was fucking epic, it could make our entire house full of dudes impressively spick and span in under five minutes. They’ve broken in to the hand dryer game and it’s no surprise they are putting out a unique product. You may have seen the Dyson Airblade out in the wild. They’ve taken a different approach to hand drying, instead of simply dangling your hands underneath a high speed fan like you see in most models, with the Airblade you insert your hands in to a compartment like box that actually blasts your hands from both sides, hitting the palm and backsides of hands. I tip my hat to the team of German engineers that came up with this divergent approach. Unfortunately your hands get bounced off of the surfaces inside this machine which is a turnoff and yuck! Additionally, with the uniqueness comes a few question marks. One time I had to instruct a gentleman how to use the Airblade. It is not intuitive, and there is also something ergonomically unsound about the whole experience, you kind of have to hang your hands in to the dryer mid-torso area which can strain the wrists and is generally an escape from the place-under-the-jets approach. A Tyrannosaurus Rex would have no trouble with this top feed design…and hey, who doesn’t enjoy imitating a T-Rex every once in a while? I give huge innovation points to Dyson and know they make a trusted product. Overall this is an effective and futuristic machine and I endorse it.

World Dryer Airforce

2.) The AirForce J-974 by World Dryer is solid motion-activated hand dryer. On the machine it says “high speed” and “low energy” which makes you feel good while drying. You know you are getting a speedy treatment and not banging up the environment too harshly. The Airforce setup resembles the “rain” setting on your shower head, there are 14 micro tubes on the underside of this puppy forcefully pumping out air. Not just any air either, the majority of my Airforce experiences have left me with warm dry hands, thats because it puts out warm air, this is particularly awesome in the winter seasons. Lots of folks tend to overlook this point which is critical when deciding which are your most favorite hand dryers. It is heaps better than their earlier and well known World Dryer A5974 model (that thing hardly worked) mostly found at rest areas, truck stops, and gas stations across the USA. The AirForce is a reliable product that will get your hands and wrists so dry you can skip the “final wipe on pants phase” that many of us have grown accustomed to.

The Xlerator by Excler Dryer

1.) Now, internet and friends, I present to you The Xlerator. This thing is a J-U-M-B-O-J-E-T. Rev this mother up and let her rip. It is by far the fastest, most forceful, best hand dryer I have ever come across in my life, made right here in America too.

A few things to expect when using The Xlerator:

1.) Instantly dried hands. -OR- An instantly dried shirt from the that spilt drink -OR- Instantly dried pants from the accidental urine dribble once already you zipped up.

2.) The transference of electrical horsepower from the Xlerator directly to your brain to give you that extra edge for the rest of the night.

3.) A rattle in your ear drums.

4.) A new hand and forearm hair part that will last 24 - 36 hrs.

5.) Potential stripped paint off the wall (see pic below).

6.) That money booth sensation but instead of dollar bills fanning everywhere its paper towels shreds and excess toilet paper. Like a confined typhoon.

7.) Spunky hair.

8.) So much overall commotion and disturbance the guy talking on the phone in the stall will be forced to end his call.

9.) A nice rest of your night once you exit the restroom. Chances are you’ve found yourself in a classy establishment, that understands the value of having a The Xlerator for the drying pleasure of it’s guests.

If you are having a really lucky night, there might be two (yes two) Xlerator’s side by side on the wall, which allows you to use one for your left hand and one for your right hand. Cut the dry time in half all while doubling the fun and excitement!

Now…I am not an certified hand dryer expert. I’m just a guy who comes across hand dryers often in my day-to-day life and wanted to tell you about his favorites.

Rob Birdsong

THE TOP THREE HAND DRYERS IN THE GAME IN 2013S

(See point #5 listed above)